Today I read about a woman whose family was suffering, "where the hell is God,"  she said.
The answer was, "I think God is devastated, God is not standing outside our pain, but was a companion within it, holding us in his arms, sharing our grief and pain."

I've had my doubts about God, more than a few.
but today on your birthday, I look to a Divine presence that is a companion and is devastated that you are not here in your physical form with us.

As much as I don't want to, I have to accept the reality of the situation.
and try to understand the "complexities of where and how the Divine presence fits into our fragile and human world."

This is the path I have been given.

Sometimes I stepped onto the path with joy, happy on my road with you.
Sometimes I tiptoed, cautious and afraid.
Sometimes I ran away.

Those moments I stepped onto the path were my most happy.
I'm grateful I had them.
I'm grateful you gave them to me.

I'm blessed that you came into this life.

it will always be your birthday, nothing will change that.

Amen.