"The desires I had before her death ( while she was sick) can no longer be fulfilled, for that would mean it is her death that allows me to fulfill them- her death might be a liberation in some sense with regard to my desires.  But her death has changed me, I no longer desire what I used to desire.  I must wait - supposing that such a thing could happen - for a  new desire to form, a desire following her death." Roland Barthes

 I throw out all the past desires.
 they don't make sense.
 I pray for this new beginning to honor you,
 your love for me,
 my love for you,
 in all that I say and do and think and all that I am, I pray for this.

 "Let yourself be inert, wait till the incomprehensible power... that has broken you restores you a little, I say a little, for henceforth you will always keep something broken about you.  Tell yourself this, too, for it is a kind of pleasure to know that you will never love less, that you will never be consoled, that you will constantly remember more and more."
    Letter from Proust to George de Lauris, whose mother has just died.  ( from Roland Barthes)

  I pray to take these broken words, these broken prayers and make something of them, something not whole, something pieced together
  into light.